Staying Home (Roped by the Cowboy Duet Book 2) Page 9

  The store-bought wasn’t as good, but it was passable.

  Once the tea was made and they each had a cup full, they retired to the living room, each taking a seat around the fireplace that Nash took a few minutes to light and stoke. It warmed the first floor better than the old furnace could ever hope to, and there was just something about the crackling and flickering of the flames that mesmerized and calmed him that Nash truly loved. Since he hadn’t built one in his own home for some time, years actually, this was just as much a treat as the cake.

  They didn’t talk much. What was there really to say when the elephant in the room was practically choking the very air they breathed? Death. What a morbid visitor.

  “Well, if y’all aren’t gonna say it, then I will,” Gretta piped up, breaking the silence. She leaned forward, her feet remained crossed at the ankles on the kicked up foot of the pink recliner, as she set her empty mug on the round, wire-framed side table. Her gray eyes regarded them so seriously, she garnered Nash and Vivian’s full attention. “When are you two going to stop playin’ games and get together? I need some grandbabies runnin’ around here before I kick the bucket.”

  Nash couldn’t believe his ears. Vivian’s shocked expression suggested that she couldn’t either. They were barely on talking terms, having just had a real conversation twice in the past two days. He thought they had finally passed the enemies stage and crossed over into civil territory, but that was a far cry from getting back together and pumping out a few kids.

  “Ms. Gretta…” Vivian started and stopped, at a loss for words.

  Nash decided he’d better put her rash idea to bed before she got too carried away, as Gretta was oftentimes wont to do. “We’re not getting together. Hell, we’re not even dating.”

  Vivian caught his eye. “Right,” she said, though her voice seemed a touch doubtful, almost as if it held a question in it.

  Nash’s brows pinched slightly, wondering if he was wrong, but then he shook the idea away. No, there was nothing between them, except maybe a mutual attraction. Right? And two people who were worlds apart couldn’t build an entire future on attraction alone.

  Except that I want her like I need my next breath. Nash was shaken by the errant admission, glad that he hadn’t voiced it aloud. As much as he wanted to pick up where they left off and see where it might lead them, he had to be realistic. There just wasn’t a future of substance in the cards for them. It was a fool’s mission if he kept on that train of thought.

  Except it’s what I want. She’s what I want.

  He couldn’t escape that one truth. Nash had been struggling with himself and what his heart told him it wanted and what his head told him he needed to stay away from. He didn’t want to get hurt again. Never again.

  She didn’t mean to hurt you in the first place, the little voice inside his head told him, which Nash didn’t want to hear but knew was true. It was the same thing she’d been trying to tell him since she returned. Vivian wasn’t perfect. Who was? But she’d been trying to apologize and she’d been trying to make it up to him for weeks. He was just too stubborn to give her a chance.

  Should he give her the chance now? Was Ms. Gretta right all along? Were her endeavors to put them back together an effort in futility, or was she wiser than he gave her credit for?

  As he considered all of this, Nash held Vivian’s gaze, wondering if she was thinking the same things, and if she felt the same way.

  “Look at you two. Can’t even take your eyes off each other.” Gretta shook her head, clucking her tongue as if she was truly embarrassed for them and judged them both idiots for not following her advice. “I’m going to take these old bones to bed. You two glue your butts to those seats and make nice,” she ordered. “I fully expect you both to hash out whatever it is that’s keeping you from seeing what I already know, and then, if the mood strikes, take it upstairs. And don’t worry about waking me. These old ears don’t hear that well anymore. I’m sure a few bedsprings won’t interrupt my beauty sleep.”

  Nash felt his cheeks heat, and he witnessed Vivian’s pinken in a way that made her even more beautiful and—in the fire light—alluring than before.

  He didn’t utter a word of protest as Gretta pushed from her chair and took her mug with her. They each muttered good night as she left the room, leaving him and Vivian alone for the first time since they’d come together at the hospital. Only this time, their focus wasn’t on Ms. Gretta, but on the new elephant in the room: whatever this thing between them was and how they were going to deal with it.

  All Nash knew was that Gretta was right: They needed to hash this out once and for all. No more dancing around, no more excuses, no more running. By the time he got out of his seat, they were either going to make an honest go of this…or they were saying goodbye forever.

  THIRTEEN

  Neither knew who should go first, so for several minutes, Nash and Vivian just sat there, silently staring into the hearth and sipping their tea.

  Who would speak first? What would they say to one another? Nash had a hundred thoughts and possibilities pass through his head in that short span of time that felt far longer than it actually was.

  Vivian was the first to break the silence. “Well, I have to hand it to her, Ms. Gretta is a hell of a ballbuster.”

  Nash chuckled. “Yes, she certainly is.” He took a deep breath, about to say something, but Vivian beat him to it.

  “But she’s right,” she said as she continued to stare into the fire. “We need to get this—whatever this is—aired out once and for all. Because I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of this back and forth and weird vibes going on between us.”

  “Me too.”

  “Either we quash it, or we agree to end it. But either way, I’m over the weirdness. Things have to change.”

  “I agree.”

  Cutting her gaze to him, she finally met his eyes. “I already said I was sorry. If you need me to say it again, then I will. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lie, and I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was in a weird place in my life and I didn’t want my past interfering with my present or future.” She shrugged. “Turns out, it did anyway.”

  Nash sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “How about we agree to leave the past in the past. It’s done. There’s no going back and changing it.”

  Hope flared bright in her eyes. “Are you suggesting a clean slate?”

  “I don’t think there’s such thing as a clean slate, but a fresh start? Yeah. It’s possible.”

  “Okay… So you forgive me?”

  Nash considered this. Did he forgive her? “Yeah, I do. And honestly, I think I did a long time ago.”

  When he reached down deep and took a good, hard look at his feelings, Nash found he didn’t feel much of anything. No anger or resentment. No need to yell or snipe or scold. He just felt…content. In fact, any time he was around Vivian, he felt that way. There was a peacefulness that came over him, a sense that he didn’t have to stress and worry but he could just breathe.

  And wasn’t that something he’d been trying to do since Carlene died?

  How come it had taken him so long to figure that out? To see that Vivian had somehow managed to make him feel that way again? Maybe, he considered once again, Gretta was right, and he was a stubborn ass. It would certainly explain why he had taken this long to pull his head out of his rear.

  “Really? Because you have a funny way of showing it.”

  “Yeah, well,” Nash replied mirthfully, “someone told me I can be a touch stubborn. I figure they might be on to something.”

  Vivian’s eyebrows arched. “You think?”

  They shared a laugh, and damn, it felt nice. Nash hadn’t felt a good, lighthearted moment like that in too long.

  “So, what are we going to do about this?” Vivian asked.

  “Depends on what you wanna do,” Nash hedged. He knew what he wanted, but he was afraid to voice it and come out looking like an even bigger ass than he already did. W
hat if she didn’t want the same thing? What if she shot him down cold and left him

  “Well, what do you have in mind?” she shot back.

  Nash had a few ideas come to bear, but he didn’t give voice to some of them because they were inappropriate, and well, far too soon, assuming this headed where he thought it might.

  “Okay, I guess the only way we’re goin’ to get anywhere with this is if one of us jumps right in.” His eyes lifted and he smirked. “Any chance you wanna go first?”

  “And risk getting burned again?” Vivian squared her shoulders. “Not a chance in hell, cowboy.”

  Oh, but Nash liked when she called him that. It was just the right amount of snarky mixed with sexy, and even though it reminded him of their differences, when she called him that, she said it in such a way that gave him a fuzzy feeling in his stomach.

  His eyelids grew heavier and his voice deepened as he spoke his mind. “I propose we set aside our grievances and give this another shot. See if this thing I feel, and I think you’re feelin’, too, ain’t as real as it seems.”

  A small smile teased at her lips, as if she was happy to hear it but afraid to hope. “So, you think we should get back together then.”

  Nash was done mincing words, so he said it straight, leaving no more room for doubt. “Hell yes, I do.”

  His words clearly sent a thrill through her, as Nash witnessed Vivian’s breath hitch and hold in her chest as she shifted in her seat and her clasped hands pressed into her lap. “Well, then I say we give it a try.”

  “I have one condition.” Nash grew serious. “No lies. Not even the smallest half-truth or omission, ‘cause that’s just as good as lyin’ in my book.”

  She tipped her head in agreement. “Not a problem. Everything will be completely open between us from here on out.”

  “So if you have anythin’ you wanna say or anythin’ you wanna know, now is the time to say it.”

  He was pleased to see her actually thinking about it, giving his words serious consideration instead of just outright jumping to agree.

  “What about that woman you’re dating? Are you breaking up?”

  Nash grinned. “Darlin’, we were never together to begin with.” He stared into her eyes and returned the question. “How about you and Mr. Rich? Still plannin’ on seein’ him or are you done?”

  “Oh, we are so done,” she said with such finality, Nash wondered what the guy had done to piss her off.

  He didn’t ask, though, satisfied with her answer and trusting that she was being as truthful as he was. “You know Ms. Gretta set us both up, right?”

  “In her scheme to reunite us?” she asked, putting “reunite” in air quotes as she rolled her eyes. “Yeah, it was pretty obvious. I mean, Harold is a nice enough guy, but he’s just so…”

  “Irritating?”

  “I was going to say stuffy, but yeah,” she said with a light laugh.

  “Right. And while Sylvia was sweet, she was—”

  “Too perfect?”

  Nash held her stare. “I was going to say not you.”

  Vivian’s expression warmed considerably. While Nash never considered himself very romantic or a ladies’ man or even all that smooth, as they say, he knew that a few kind and honest words worked just as well when trying to smooth over a tough situation with a lady. Kindness was entirely underrated, in his opinion. If the world had more of it, it would be a much better place.

  “So…we’re really going to do this?” Vivian directed a finger between them.

  Nash pushed from his chair and crossed the short space that separated them and dropped down onto his knees before her. Looking into her eyes, he reached up and cradled her face between his palms. “Yeah, darlin’, I’d say we are.”

  “But what if—”

  “Shhh. There are no what-ifs,” he said, watching her mouth part into a small o. “Now what do ya say we make this decision final and seal it with a kiss?”

  Vivian nodded mutely, her hands lightly and hesitantly reaching up to touch his sides, and to Nash’s delight, she leaned in, prepared to meet him halfway.

  Nash didn’t give her the chance. With all the excitement and anticipation of a schoolboy, he dove in for that kiss, eagerly meeting her lips, not realizing how starved he was for a taste of her on his tongue until he had it. She was, for lack of a better word, delicious.

  The kiss lasted a while, like a coming home of sorts, relief and comfort and desire all wrapped into one incredible package. Nash found himself transferring a hand to her back while the other slid into her hair, drawing her closer. Vivian came easily, her thighs opening and her body molding to his, her arms, though trapped beneath his, cinching tighter around his back.

  Nash’s skin began to feel tighter, swelling with a craving that grew stronger the longer they kissed. He hadn’t felt so turned on by anyone since Carlene and hadn’t expected to ever again. But Vivian was proving him wrong in so many ways—in all ways. Since the moment she entered his life, she’d been teaching him how to move forward, to move on, and dare he think it…to love again.

  Nash broke the kiss, breathless. Pressing his forehead against hers, he struggled to regain control of himself.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?” Vivian asked, panic lacing her words, as if she thought she’d done something wrong. Or worried he thought they had.

  Nash shook his head to quell her fear. “Nothing, darlin’. Nothin’ is wrong. In fact, everythin’ is right.”

  “Then what is it? Why did you stop?” She dipped back down to press her lips to his once more, but only once, as if understanding that he needed a minute but wanting him to know that she wanted more.

  “It’s just that…” He lifted his head, his heated stare meeting hers, seeing the fire of pent-up desire reflected back at him. She was just as turned on as he was. “If I don’t stop now,” he warned, “I may not stop at all.”

  Her eyes, so deeply brown and beautiful, reminding him of warm earth in the middle of summer. “Then don’t,” she breathed, her voice husky.

  Nash’s fingers tightened in her hair and on her clothes. If he didn’t control himself, he might do exactly what Gretta suggested and carry her upstairs and set those bedsprings to squeaking.

  Too much, too fast, the voice in his head warned. This time, Nash knew he should listen. They had only just had a meeting of minds. If they jumped too deep into this right from the start, they could screw it all up and it would all be over before it began. Again.

  He wanted more than that this time around. Nash wanted…well, he wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted, but forever came to mind.

  Was it too much to hope for?

  No, because hope was what kept people moving, striving.

  With regret, Nash stood and backed up a step, putting some much-needed distance between them. He raked a hand through his hair and took a few cleansing breaths. It was hard to ignore that pleading look Vivian was directing up at him though.

  “I just don’t want to move too fast,” he explained.

  Rising to her feet, she stood before him, prepared to bear her heart and soul. At least, he hoped so. “And I don’t want to move too slow.”

  Did she mean…? Nash swallowed thickly as she took slow, measured steps toward him.

  “We’ve both been hurt before. We’ve both learned what it feels like to lose trust, security. We’ve both learned to fear opening up to someone else. You loved your wife, I know that. I’ve never known what it’s like to truly be in love…” She pursed her lips thoughtfully, and her voice grew quiet. “Until, I think, now.”

  Nash felt his own eyes widen. Had he heard her right? Did she just say that she loved him?

  “Did you just say you love me?”

  Rolling her lips in, Vivian pressed them together. “I think maybe I do, yeah. Is that a problem?”

  Assuming he believed her? Nash’s mind raced. Could he truly love another? Could he truly trust her to love him? Or was it another one of her half-truths?

>   “Are you divorced now?” he asked, eyes narrowing as he searched her face for any sign of deception.

  “Yes. It’s been a couple of months now. He didn’t fight me on it, even though I think he wanted to. It’s over. Finally. That’s why I came back. Well,” she said, and looked away briefly, “and there were other things.”

  “Me?” he asked hopefully.

  Those stunning brown eyes met his again, and she nodded. “I just want to be happy, Nash. In the short time we were together, I think I was the happiest I’ve ever been. I want that back.”

  Me too, he thought almost desperately. God, he was so desperate to feel that again—with her. “You make me feel alive again,” he admitted. Because until her, he hadn’t been living at all. Just existing day to day, feeling nothing but a yawning well of depression. “I just don’t want to mess it up.”

  “Then let’s agree not to mess it up,” Vivian said with a touch of humor.

  Nash smiled down at her. She made it sound so simple, as if they could just say it and it would be true.

  But maybe it was that simple. Maybe they could have everything and still make it work.

  He tried for more honesty. “I’m struggling with the idea of going home.”

  Lifting her arms, Vivian slung them over Nash’s shoulders. “And I’m struggling with the idea of sleeping alone tonight.”

  “If I were to stay…”

  “We could just sleep,” she suggested. “Hold each other. Keep each other warm.”

  “It is awfully cold tonight.”

  She mock shivered, her eyes dancing. “This old house is pretty drafty.”

  “So is mine.”

  “Then you should definitely stay here tonight.”

  “In your bed?”

  “Well, we can’t very well keep each other warm if you sleep somewhere else.”

  “So we’re decided then?”

  She nodded. “You’ll stay the night.”